Emotions

It's been hard to write the past day or so. I've found myself fighting profound saddness which seems to manifest itself as apathy. Strange to think of it as apathy, as I'm so busy I can hardly breathe -- but some things just seem overwhelming right now.

Saddness is an odd feeling since at times it is almost an absence of feeling. Fighting tears back at one moment, then wishing you could get the tears out in another moment. Feeling that all you want to do is hide and sleep -- blessed, peaceful, dreamless sleep. Curling up in bed is like a sheltering womb. But it is an illusion. The cause of all the saddness does not fade -- does not disappear.

The worst of it all is that my role in all this is to provide support and love, but the saddness robs me of the ability to tackle that role. There have been hours when exhaustion just sweeps over me, leaving me feeling irritable, and even more terrible -- closed off emotionally.

I think this depression is easing up a bit. I will try to push it back and throw it aside so that I can return to the task at hand -- Keith's life.